sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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