somebody snuck up and got me drunk
wat bout pragnant strippers??
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
