your parents love me but you hate me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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