I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
