Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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