Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
