omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
