You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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