I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
