I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
