well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i've created a new STD.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
