I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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