just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
