i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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