it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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