We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
