I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
