At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize