apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
