some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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