i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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