dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
