I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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