Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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