you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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