I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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