If you die in college, do you die in real life?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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