maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
