I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
