so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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