mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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