I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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