I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
