Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
