I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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