we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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