this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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