Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
