People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
