Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
