girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
