i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
