Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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