maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
