i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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