I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize