I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
