Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
