we're chasing vodka with high fives
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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