His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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