I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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