The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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