I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
