Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
