Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
