I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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