Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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