oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
