This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize