two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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