I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We are two peas in an std pod
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
