dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
