im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
