she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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