I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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