I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
